Meeting You By Meeting Me

Dear Future Husband,

I’ve been doing it all wrong. Although this will end up being a magical thing for you (as well as for me in the long run), at the moment I’m wallowing a bit in self-pity that it has taken this much time to figure out.

Because I wish I was ready to meet you long before.

I find it a bit curious that although I have always had a deep love and respect for men, when it comes to romantic relationships I haven’t been able to get it quite right. It was like I was always missing a couple steps in the dance of being true to myself while being in a relationship. And what I’ve finally discovered is that I was out of alignment.

I didn’t honor my boundaries. I ignored feelings. I overused my power.

So I’m completely starting over. The slate has been wiped clean and I’m going to begin the quest of meeting you by meeting myself first.

I’m going to date myself.

I really want to get it right this time so I’m going to figure out what it is I actually like. I’m going to explore what makes me feel special, romantic and beautiful. I’m going to seek out what it takes to make me feel adored, desired and loved.

Because it is up to me to make myself happy.

And therein lies one of my previous problems. I had ducked out of the responsibility of making myself happy and put too much pressure on the men in my life to do it for me. I copped out of owning my feelings and didn’t stand firm on boundaries I had set.

I wasn’t living up to my own expectations. 

But what a beautiful thing that I am aware of where I was and determined to grow into the person I want to be.

It now makes so much sense to work at being the right person instead of just looking for the right person.

Cheers to new beginnings!

xoxo

A

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